Total Pageviews

There was an error in this gadget

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Mania

It starts with you hurting yourself and tormenting yourself and turning yourself... into a monster. The type that can't learn when to stop, when to stop itself from hurting itself.

You abandon what shreds of sanity you had left and dive into the whim.

It's innocent! It's only innocent when no one knows. But you know.
Then it becomes a habit. Then you need to do it more often. Then it becomes an addiction.

You are astounded and intimidated by all the other people. They are taller. They are prettier. They are better. You want to know about them. You need to follow, to lurk, to learn so that you can understand. Or is that just what you're saying to yourself?

No, no, no!!! There really needs to be a reason! You need to understand. Why. And why not! Where were you incompetent? Where were you below standards? Does it even matter? Your reflection in the mirror will not say anything better back at you.

Your friends say, and mean it too, that you are fine, you are lovely and amazing and oh so bloody wonderful. They do not know. They do not see. They do not understand and therefore they cannot address it properly. It's just not true. Not correct. Definitely not accurate. No... No, no!!!

And by coincidence. You find out about things. Things you were better off not knowing. Things that prove to you on every level of fear you tried to push deep, deep, so deep down- that you are incompetent. You are below standards. You were right as always.

So you set to work. Busy, busy, busy! You get knots in your stomach just by looking. Your eyes dry up because you need every fraction of a second to LOOK. To see... Do you see? Is that vitriol? Or has your self-loathing gotten too great? so great in fact to overcome you? You need to read. Need to see! Need to watch. Think-Think-Think-Think. Calculate. Analyze. Rewind, replay and retry. So much material to take in.

Your breathing alters. Your muscles tense and your adrenaline flows in rivers. You are immobile. You are frozen to the pit by a destructive flame. Jealous, are you? Of course. You are weak... You are pathetic! More images, more lines. More reasons! More calculations.

Ah look at you. As sorry as you ever were. And you try to hide it with a painted on facade. But you know, don't you? You ARE that monster. Your palms are hurting you- your nails attacking them.

The monster is creeping up your boneless spine. He is saying things, without words. And you agree and understand. It is pushing you to the limits. No,no,no,no...

You are a coward. Even in the most cowardly of acts. You set a new low. You back up.

STOP! STOP!!!! JUST STOP-PLEASE!
Close your eyes and transport. Think of other things. Cotton candy! A new car, or the attractive neighbor. Find one good thing about yourself. ONE! There must be something. Keep your eyes closed. Talk to me! Talk, speak! Utter a syllable. You're OK. One thing. Just one.

It's fine. You're fine! You're safe. Slow your breathing. It's over.
It's gone. The monster is gone.

Answer your phone. Wake up. Wake up...
Please. Just wake up!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Hole

I have always believed that living things cannot live or function in isolation, not for long anyway. I specifically remember the very night and moment I came to that realization. I was with one of my closest friends, someone I hadn't seen in a while, and we were at the Corniche in Beirut, it was winter, dark, cold, and we were out walking in the dark, cold and very wet winter corniche.

And I remember hugging him very tightly and holding on... Those who know me will think "Yeah, but you are a hugs freak. You feed on hug-energy" and it might be true, but at that very moment I realized how we are capable of maintaining bonds with people even if don't see them that often or enough.

Affection. We NEED that to push us on. If someone is mourning, it is enough for them to get a phone call, a pat on the shoulder, or a hug even, to feel that they are not alone... To feel that that hole that's appeared somewhere below the diaphragm and above the stomach can actually be sealed and healed! With affection- both by giving and receiving affection.

And I'll tell you something else- those who try to sustain a life (or an excuse of a life) without affection, are usually the assholes and jerks we come across in life. Those who try to function in isolation, lose touch with being humane. And I'm not being judgmental here, but I'm being realistic. Those who suffer from relationships (with boyfriends and girlfriends, with friends or especially with family) those become this unstable muddy version of what a person can and should be.

We all need a bit of affection for crying out loud! We weren't destined for singlehood. So it doesn't make you a jerk if you are in a long distance relationship with someone for seven years, with both of you having occasional people walking through your lives. Well maybe we the spectators won't agree or condone such hedonistic behavior, but then again to hell with us. What do we know? We're not the people trying to make something impossible work!
It doesn't make you nuts, either, if you think and feel that you might have found love lurking in the most unlikely of corners. Come on! Why even try and analyse or make sense of something you feel naturally?

Affection. And I'm not talking about love; that other terrific dangerously sweeping tornado. No I'm just talking about affection. That little something that you put under your tongue to make it through just a little bit more of the hell you wind up in. Like a life tic-tac. (You still eventually need to brush and floss!)

We are tired. Tired, scared, and lonely creatures. Tired of being scared of ending up alone. So why NOT suck and steal affection? Our friends can give it, our families, our pets. Anyone! Do you remember a couple of years back there was that "Free Hug" campaign on youtube? It was so incredibly touching to watch that video and see what a little bit of free unexpected affection did to people. You could see people crying and momentarily falling apart- because they are/were THAT lonley...

This might come off as disassociated late night ranting. But for those who have been working hard all their lives to help others, who have been selfless for the sake of others, for those who have hidden in isolation because they prefer safety to uncalculated risks, for those who have grown bitter with disappointment and pain, for those who are not fine, who are distant and can't afford to care, or who have just given up on emotions by slowly melting into details... For all of these friends and people in general, this is all just temporary! Sooner or later, that scary Hole will materialize in us. And when that happens I hope we'll be able to keep the sane head on to realize that we are not alone. Not ever.

There will always be someone who cares. Wait- correction: there will always be someone who care about us more than we care for ourselves. I'm willing to be the affectionate glue-hug when needed :) It would really be nice though (and helpful), if we end up keeping those affectionate bombs nearby. Just in case...

Life can, and most probably will, suck most the times. But instead of just leaching off the good times, why not make the bad times bearable as well? It's not that crazy!
We could all do with a little more "life".

In the words of Kaki King:
"You don't have to be afraid of the pain that's inside you"

Good night and adieu!

Monday, August 22, 2011

To The Sea

Someone to take out to sea
Where we can sit and stare, and sweat under the sun.
Hands locked and eyes outstretched
With mutual disks of regret and memories playing in the background.
Someone who wants to be free
Who’s been hidden in slavery
To appreciate the escape we find in the sea.
Who tells wonders and feeds my appetite
With bright red tales of how he came to be
Someone who sees as far as my eye decrees.
Someone to whirl and spin and destroy
To build and harbor like the placid sea.
To sway and hold and push and fight
To feel and fear and hope and hope…
With scars and bruises and healing cuts
With thoughts and nooses and a heart that is brave.
Can you see? What I need to take to sea?
Someone who is human. A Titan. A fisherman.
A man. A truth.
Someone to belong to. Someone like me.
To take to sea!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Good Vibes

At this very and exact moment in time, the author of this soon to be work of optimistic art,is riding the happy wave. I feel so full of good energy that I’ve decided to start an e-healing program.

It includes the following. Moi writing this annoyingly optimistic material and you – on the other side of the table, office, building, town, city, country, continent, or even world – receiving it and thinking what the hell is this moron on? And how can I e-get some?

And I will then say upon you: Time of Your Life by Greenday, and also consider the following.

And now for the details: So you had a bad day or week or month or life or whatever time you wish to extend your misery over. SO WHAT? It doesn’t need to contaminate the rest of your months or days or life (or that of the people around you, geez enough with the sulking already!)

Learn to let go and simplify things there hun, cause they won’t do it for ya!
Forgive and forget: All the shit people did to you – friends, colleagues, family or other. Karma’s already made plans for them and their unsuspecting behinds ;) So throw as far behind your back as your elbow /shoulder would allow.
Live it up a little: Stuck in traffic? SING LIKE A MORON UNTIL VEINS POP OUT ON UR FOREHEAD! Working in a cubicle with stinky noisy colleagues? Earphones help and so does Glade. (I also find that cha-cha-cha-ing in the kitchen while mixing your ordered salad to be VERY helpful and it also ensures you some peace, resulting from you looking like a complete idiot.)

Seriously, live it up a little: Someone you know is depressing the crap out of you? SING LIKE A MORON UNTIL VEINS POP OUT ON THEIR FOREHEAD. And a little booty shakin goes a long way trust me. When all else fails use a vodka bottle- to hit them on their head with. Chances are when they come around they’ll be feeling dizzy enough to get their mind off things.

Goof around, think what would I NEVER do, and do it! Sure, it sounds like the recipe for social decline and suicide, but like that cheesy sentence goes: “Those who care don’t matter, and those who matter don’t care.” (Review above mentioned salad mix cha-cha-cha dance.)

If you drink, indulge in the occasional or frequent alcohol, it seriously is a mood adjuster when handled reasonably. – But stay off drugs, and in school. And by the way, the more alcohol you drink, the louder you get. Which in my case, is not reasonable because I already am an incredibly loud talker (possibly due to poor hearing, I’ll never find out.) So this means, the more you drink, the louder you get, the more steam you’re blowing off. Although I’m not sure you’ll be able to make much sense. (Well we can’t win them all).

Feeling like you’re floundering about aimlessly in life with no purpose? Well guess what? SO ARE MOST OF US! The people who (think or pretend to) have a plan are the people most likely to feel drained and empty and shallow at the end of their run. Those who take it as it comes, are living it up to the max. You don’t need to have a trajectory  Just try and make the most of the places you land and discover all the wonderful and not so wonderful things they have to offer. That alone is enough purpose! It’s called LIVING.

Next, you have a shitload of problems and tasks and the entire world is falling apart all around you and you are the acting glue holding it together? Good on you. How many people do you know can struggle like that and face everything head on in utter style and still keep their chin up? (Besides, you tell a story like that to people, and girls will be lining up to help A-N-Y- W-A-Y- they can!)

What else? You’re always moving forward and leaving people behind? They will always wait for you no matter how far you go. If they care, they’ll always have a place for you in their hearts. And if they’re leaving than you’re better off without them. They’re only leaving to make room for better people to come along your way. Some might even leave notes on your car and make you smile.

And finally. You’re slaving away at a dead end job? Feeling unappreciated? Scared of leaving your post and being unemployed? Well guess what? Things will always resolve themselves. So don’t be afraid of taking a leap of faith into the unknown, and into the people that surround you. You might very well be surprised. And with difficult bosses, I’ve found that more often than not, the difficulty comes from the fact that they are idiots. Treat them accordingly, like you would a mental retard. And watch your career blossom into more brilliant things.

All I’m trying to get to is: it’s ok to smile and to laugh and crack up. Even in the darker moments. Nothing else can fix things like a good dose of smiles. MOLAR TO MOLAR like someone dear said. :D CHEEEEEEEEEEESE


To Sunshine, For Encouragement.
Lama

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

B.S.: I Love You

There should be a limit to the amount of bullshit people are allowed to produce and contaminate other people with.

This should hold true for all of us- please note that I have included myself in this category of bullshitters. Regardless of the reasons that push us to paint painfully unbelievable pictures for others to dwell on and fall victim for, we should maybe allow for bullshit that is unsaturated- kinda like skimmed Bullshit if you will.

I am proud to say that while I still bullshit (in my case out of a need to avoid causing pain unto myself and others) I have at least reached a state where, as a rule, I do not bullshit more than twice a day.

Whereas most of the people that have started to really tumble from that ridiculously high pillar I had perched them on, have no measure or limit to the amount of bullshit- creative or otherwise- that they can come up with! And what's worse, what reallyyyy drives this donkey off the cliff, is that they in all honesty believe that the gullible audiences at their feet are falling for it.

So NO, you had no intention of meeting that deadline, and no you do not like your mother in law's new curtains, and I'll be damned if you had even thought of calling up your friends or visiting someone at the hospital or listening to some track someone recommended or read an article someone suggested. You also are not as tormented as you think you are, or pretend to be. Life is not a painful experience, its actually a playful one. So stop blaming time (or the lack thereof) and circumstances and other people. And come to grip with the following fact: you just can't be bothered. So why not just say so? WE CAN'T BE BOTHERED!

I can't be bothered to play the game, or the field. To meet people and pretend to want to make the effort of digging into a seemingly shallow surface to maybe find some depth. I can't be bothered listening to people who will ask you for your advice, and lament (yes like in the melodramas of "woe unto them") and then take their same pathetic story elsewhere and beg for the attention you just full-heartedly gave.

We are lonely. We can't get any lonelier or isolated I swear on all that is non-bullshit infected in this world that this is true. So for crying out loud, have the ba--- guts to be honest! Try a little truth. It's good for you. And for all of us.

B.S.: I Love You ;)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

شوية شي

من الشيم والحركات يللي ربينا عليا بهالدول العربية هي الرجولة والذكورية. ضروري نكون ونحِس ونعيش بقوة. الرجال ما بيبكي والمرا بدا تتحمل والولاد لازم يفهموا والشعب لازم يناضل. يعني مش تاركينلنا مجال غير انو نكون ذكور هالايام.

اي لأ. مش القوة والعصب المعدني هو يللي ب خللي الانسان - او الانسانة حتى- يكون "رجّال". لا يا عيني، وين رحتوا بالحنية؟ وبالرقة؟ وبالشفقة؟ انو ب شرفكون ايمتا سمعتوا او شفتوا بلدوزر بشري طاحش عالخليقة بلا احساس وبلا اي نوع من الصلة مع الاخرين، وكان هيدا الوحش الضاري هو مدعاة للفخر او انو للاحترام مثلا؟ (الا بالمسلسلات التركية او السورية - الرجاء مراجعة مسلسل باب الحارة بجميع اجزائه)؟

شوفو شو الفكرة: الانسان كتير هين انو يفصل مشاعروا ويكبها مدري وين. كتير هيني انك يا استاذ ويا انسة (او مدام، يللي هوي) انكن تقَسوا قلبكن وتشدوا حالكن وتستصغروا مشاعر "الضعف" عند الغير. هيدي مش مرجلة. المرجلة انكن تعرفوا هيدوليك الاحاسيس هني فعلا شو وتعرفوا وين تستعملوها، وتفهموا انا مش تافهة بالعكس! هي المُعرّفة للانسانية ولعدم البولدوزرية. وهي يللي بتصنع اصحاب همم.

القوة هي انكن تعرفوا ايمتا تكونوا ضعاف. وايمتا تقووا مقابيل الضعاف. لأنوا الدني دولاب وهالدولاب الرائع الا ما يبرم ويغطسلوا ب شي جورة مي. واذا انتوا كنتوا حديد ومعدن، حا تصَدوا مع الوقت ومش حا تستفيدوا من معدنكن ب شي.

مش عم شجع الذكور يروحوا يولولو متل المفجوعات ولا عم قول للحريم انخسعوا، بس بيسوى العالم ترجع تحس ببعضا. وترجع تحس يا عمي... هالدني كل ما عم بتصير قاسية وباردة وميتة... العالم عم بتعيش لنفسا ولك حتى الامهات بطلت تعيش لولادا. كيف بدو يكون في اوادم وناس نظيفة وقلبا من جوا حلو، اذا عم نضل نعلم ضد الاحساس وضد الانشراح وضد الروح بالمطلق؟


وبيبقى نذكر اغنية اجنبية, ويللي بتقول :


... Just think of those, out in the cold and dark, cause there's not enough love to go 'round...

دايمة

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Process Letter

Dear individuals,

Welcome to the global factory- the international norm for behavior where you will be fed processed information in the dozen, in compressed and concentrated amounts.

The processed information above mentioned shall range from politics and country history to random acts and facts of love and love making.

We do not support or encourage you, dear individual, to be in anyway original or an innovator. On the contrary, we at the global factory love "the box": we like you to feel comfortable within its boundaries and to never wish to rise to a level of non-boxiness. Therefore do not attempt to think outside it, or wonder what lies on the other side of its cardboard walls. The truth beyond said walls is bleak, scary, unstable and smells of burnt cabbage on Sunday afternoons!

Our Preliminary classes shall be as follows:

Mondays: False Reality and Pretense Exchange for individuals.
Tuesday: How to kill braincells 101
Wednesdays: Urban heroism and early literature
Thursdays: Faking compassion and other noble feelings.
Fridays: Recreational Activities. (These will include but not be limited to: Nap time, pheromone releasing dances, Art and Culture: Why Rembrandt Fails in modern day culture... etc A list of available attractions shall be posted up on the outside of toilet doors at the factory>)
Saturdays: Hands-on application of above mentioned courses.
Sundays: (Fornication at )the beach, clubs, family lunches, baptisms, funerals, and other such social gatherings.

Tuition will not be mandatory as we WILL be extracting the fees from your soul and life force making you a shallow miserable mono-dimensional push over or goat or bull(according to preference and disposition) so that you may fit in like a hot knife slicing through swiss butter.

For counseling do not hesitate to refer to the dummies pin-stuck to the black board.

Sincerely,

We Screw Generations Organization (WS-GO)
Highly activating member of board

L.N.

P.s.: special packages available for creative thinkers, outstanding children, artists, geniuses and other deformed individuals.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Hating On Facebook

Facebook is a social tool- the asshole way. If you log in you will first and foremost be given automatic updates about all the things no one would ever share with you in person -live and face to face.
For example I can share today's findings, one male friend is feeling nostalgic and in love-ish (mind you we haven't spoken in about a year!) two female friends are suffering and being crucified emotionally thus resorting to a plank from the olden stable days- a song that's extremely haunting and pure!

And I'm not any better either! It is a social tool that's double ended since it keeps everybody involved in everybody's business and stories.(Haha- our social life depends on the double point of the double ended TOOL. how ironic) But the greater part of us social beings, all alien like and hairy, needs to feel solidarity. Meaning we need to share. Yes we have to vent out one way or the other. And for all the Pisces and Virgos out there who pride themselves of being bottled up and shareless,I say unto them: Reflect onto thine lives. Have you not shared and shared again songs and pictures and abstract words on the so called wall of your book of face? And keeping that in mind I was so easily able to tell what state of mind they are in, and ohhhh the frustration, the bullshit, the acting and the parade people fall in.... And the hope.


Hoping that someone will see and experience whatever the hell you can't quite put in words, or can put in perfect words: Booboo is feeling sick, I am the king of the world, John Smith Scored Pocahontas, and many such thrilling and mentally exciting announcements that most of us would be clueless about, if it wasn't for the tool that is. But at the end it's reassuring for us to know that this feeling got through. Even if in a distorted form or another. We want to be heard. And we want to be heard out loud!

Yes we do. And if anyone tries to deny this by saying they don't use facebook that often- well, oh really? Why are you on it then?! Just to keep in touch with friends? To be able to post on your group? So you can spy on your friends? So you can never be called outdated and old fashioned? AHA! To SHARE: share and take part of the social media tidal wave (now available in (Saudi)ArabiC - for my personal misery, but that's a different story), keep people updated on your band/work/gallery/store's news... yes yes and yes- to be heard...

The only people I know who are not on facebook are either ex-users who wanted and longed for the QUIET. Or people whose lives are already loud enough that they can't be bothered to add more to their already flamboyant (did I just type that word?) raging noise.

So I guess Facebook is a social tool, and like all tools it can be useful- especially from a marketing perspective, it's like the one TV Channel everybody always has on. or almost everybody. That's why as I mentioned earlier, we want to be heard on this channel and we want to be heard out loud. But sometimes it just gets so annoying for quite a few of us (no, I'm not talking about my multiple characters here) to have to know that someone's dog got stampled by their grandmother's wheel chair, that someone is sitting at a beach while we're slaving like idiots, that someone's slaving somewhere else on our day off, and that our day off is not as great as someone else's in Miami. So yes. Facebook, here's to hating on you!

Oh, and you can shove your "privacy policy" up the pipe.

Much love :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

The OTHER Theory

Maybe at this very moment in time my dears, I have suddenly fallen on the positive wave, and I'm riding it. Which is why this little post will be uplifting for some. or not... whatever.

The thing is, through close observation of distant people, I kind of formulated a theory. No nothing fancy, nothing bewildering and unheard of. On the contrary, it has probably been said to death and has been used so often it's become an example of fromage and cheese.

The OTHER theory goes like this my little avid readers and thirsty knowledge seekers: We are different people, with different people. (Huh?) I dunno how to better put it actually, but I will try. In my humble inconsequential opinion, I firmly believe that the human soul is contagious and we automatically pick up on soul shreds hanging around people when we meet them. If the shred-bits suit us, we like the person, we call it attraction- "an unexplainable attraction". And if the shred-bits don't suit us, we are repelled and feel uncomfortable around that person "for some reason we can't quite place our butter dipped fingers on".

(Starting to make more sense now, right?) (I know). YES. The soul itself is contagious in all its beautiful energy flows and unseen colors. This makes perfect sense since we more often than not find ourselves measuring the type of person we are with one group of persons or another, and kid ourselves and call it "influence": it's the contagious soul.

And the hopeful part about this is, regardless of whether we believe in the whole soul-mate part, we can't deny that some people bring out the best in us while others bring out the not-so-best. And then if we happen to find that completing other of ours than can you imagine what the two souls will be exchanging? (MY GOD! a world of possibilities just sprung up in my busy head!)Oh and just to make it more interesting, let's - for the sake of argument - assume that certain elements can affect the shred-bit exchange, like say ohhhh ALCOHOL? and Music? Of course they are influenced! It's the SOUL. It's ALIVE. Hell, it IS LIFE! This can explain why we are much easier about meeting people and "letting go" in some circumstances more than others. So imagine your soul dancing to music, intoxicated with a kindred soul next to it. Can you even begin to grasp what kind of dance the shred-bits around you would be performing? And no I'm not talking about the effect of alcohol and music together- I'm talking about how they get tangled and incorporated into something simple, basic, primitive- brilliant. And if we look/listen close enough you can just see the colors and hear the hum they make when these soul shred-bits touch and meet and identify.


I feel so thrilled about this theory of mine that I do not know what to do with it. Should I perhaps perform studies and experiments to prove it? and then document said studies and experiments and go crazy and even write a book and achieve fame and be hosted on the then-woulds-be-long-deceased Oprah show?

Only time will tell my little ones. But for now, it definitely puts people exchange and relationings into a new(er) perspective.

So go, mingle, meet people, and infect them with your beautiful souls :) Who knows? You may just meet your match in this new disease spreading. What a positive way of plaguing the world that would be.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Oh August...

It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. And when we start to understand that, life becomes simpler automatically. Because that is exactly when we let go and become free.

We do not love. Most of us become enslaved in love, and that's why we suffer. Then we start to keep ourselves there by diving deeper into all the wrong things. in the name of love of course. and some of us just get so deep they can't ever go back up again. (It's called permanent damage)...

You know? lately I've been having this moments- no not the crazy ones, those are a given- moments of just pure basic joy. Yesterday I dropped my friend home and on the way back to my place, I was driving in the sun, with the windows semi opened. There was a minimal breeze seeping inside, and it was just cold enough to refresh the car . Then the traffic stops at the red light and there I was listening to my music, stuck in momentary traffic, and Beirut looking so god blessed beautiful... That's love. I mean it was a moment of deep authentic affection. and it was FREE. and isolated. and the thing is these similar moments have been happening lately more and more.

The point is, if I had been looking to set up this very experience it would never have happened. And no matter how hard I worked to make it work, it would not have happened. Cause it is what it is. it is FREE. and free is something we can't capture.

and the music! oh the music... Why can't there be a system of government that's based on music? Can you imagine what it would be like? The Minster of Jazz Artists. The attache to the ambassador or blues and soul. His Majesty King of Classiconia? Colonel Rock it, head of the House regiment. You get the point...

So may we always know how to let go.
May we always remember NOT to choke people around us.
May we always be free in love. So that we can be free TO love.
May we learn that love is multifaceted. And may we allow ourselves to love in abundance. Love life. Love people. Love work. Love the stupid traffic. Love our mistakes. Love the sweet agony and misery. Love failing. Love succeeding.


Oh August... Thank you. You've given me quite a few unique people. My dear August.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Visualization

People. We are visual creatures. It's where the whole seeing is believing thing springs from. And I'll tell you why. It's not that we're not capable of hope, or that we like a safe bet. BUT. For most of us, we've just been through enough in life to discourage us from believing blindly and just throwing random faith in things... Particularly when that very faith proved to be unjustified, and that very thing ended up shredding us. Poor us.

Seeing is believing because even when we say we won't believe it until we see it, on the other side of that very same statement of ours is the fact that we do believe. We doubt being doubtful! How sincere we are in our characteristics. And we only hang on HARD to the opposite of believing, because we have SEEN that believing gets us nowhere, where as skepticism is a good guarantee.

It just really gives us such an incredible push. and THAT, the push I mean, you CAN see wherever you look. When you give someone a gesture of good will, a token of faith, a down frigging payment, things get done and you set things in motion. That's how trust is built. From visualization, and it is lost though de-visualization!
Exhibit A: I Trust my Boyfriend he will never cheat. I've seen him blow off girls when he didn't know i was looking.
Exhibit B: I Trust my Boyfriend. he will never cheat. oops. he sc***ed me over. trust gone. guys are shit. i'm giving up.

It's also one of the basics of marketing. You sell things by showing them to be so much better than they really are. And the difference between a good salesman and a great salesman is that only the second one can get you to imagine, believe and superimpose a picture over reality :)

And let's not forget faith! which is such a difficult thing to maintain. I mean on a regular day, pick out a random person from a religious crowd and start asking them about God. and their beliefs, actually don't ask, QUESTION them and interrogate them. They'll absent mindedly repeat things for you. and while you probably would give up on the debriefing thinking they're block headed, trust me, that very same person will feel OUTRAGED! APPALLED! how DARE that atheist ask him these infinite and intimate questions... and why couldn’t I feel a passion in my heart for it.... Why did I feel like a friggin echo chamber bouncing back statements that were stuffed and hammered into my head?
Because that person never saw to truly believe. and to the extremely religious and devout people who have seen proof or signs justifying their faith, just take a minute and ask yourself, would you still have been a firm if you had horrible losses in life? and if nothing good ever went your way? and if we throw in a few diseases, breakdowns and hmmm solitude?

And I'll go further. Any Tom, Dick or Harry will you that the best part about cooking and preparing a dish is the presentation. Because what looks good to the eye, tastes even better to the stomach. Kinda like Victoria's Secret models, preparing the ravenous men for the consumption of innocent sheep. ha! how I entertain myself. but seriously we need a little something to move on. just a little something.

I do realize that the first quote to spring to so many minds will be : blessed are thou who hath believed without seeing. and i totally agree. they are blessed.
Because, yet again. We are visual creatures. and we need to see.

You see?

Thursday, February 24, 2011

ماذا أقول له؟

الحلو والبشع بالحياة هوي انو بغض النظر اديش نحنا حبينا او كرهنا اشيا او ناس، وبغض النظر عن اديش هلكنا وتكسرنا وتفجمنا سعياً للأفضل ويللي مش بالضرورة كان افضل شي ولكن افضل بنظرنا...

شيلو كل هالعوامل وبيبقى انو الحياة عم تتقدم وتستمر وتتغير. وهيدي اخر واحدة ركزولي عليا شوي زيادة: الحياة في حالة تغيير دائم. وهون السؤال بيطرح نفسو... كيف في ديمومة بالتغيير؟

في مرة شخص كتير عزيز عليي (لأنو القلب مشكوك ب وجودو فبالتالي اصبح هالشخص عزيز عليي ومش عا قلبي ) اي بقا هالفلان قلي شي كنت اول مرة بسمعو: التغيير هو الشي الدائم الوحيد. وهنا يا اطفالي تأتي المفاجأة ب انو اه نعم ادجل! هالغرام يللي حسيتوا ب قديم الزمان , كان... ويااااا ما كان. كان تعريف للروح وللوجود والحياة والشعور والجنون والعبثية والوحي ومن ثم تعريف العذاب و الشعور بالتغييب و الانفصال والضياع والفراغ- يعني من اكستريم لا اكستريم، هيدا كللللو بالاخر بيتغير.

بيختفي.

بيزول.

وكأنه لم يكن.

كأنو كان فكرة خرافية ما تحققت ولا تطبقت ولا حتى نكتبت عا قفا شي كرتوني ولا كان مقدرلا انو تنسمع.

وبقت فكرة ب راس أخوت مجنون. وفي حين انو من الجيد انو "الحياة تستمر وتكمل وما نوقف عند حد او حدا معين" ما فيني قول او اقبل انو هالعظمة والضخامة كلا هي الى زوال... لأنا رح تتغير بالنتيجة. لأنو رح نتغير مع الوقت ومع الحياة. ولك شو هالمصيبة؟ مين قال انو يوماً ما عنجد حا نصير اشخاص مختلفة؟ طيب ما انا بحبني هيك! عا نكهة التابسكو! وما بدي صير لا فريز ولا خردل ولا خل ولا شي... وما بدي الجبنة يللي حبيتا تصير بعدان مشمش بعلبك يللي ما استوى :( وما الحل يا ابنائي؟

الأمل... اي، في امل. نتأمل انو يوماً ما بعد سلسلة دائمة من التغيير نوصل لا مطرح نلاقي حالنا الناس يللي منحب نكونا. ونلاقي حالنا مع ناس حبينا نكونن او يكونوهن. ونلاقي حالنا نحنا بعد عمليات التغيير المتتابعة فعلاً مناح وخيرين للاخرين.

بس اهم شي انو نلاقي حالنا!

We’re just different people… خدلك بقا... هيدي جملة فيي الكثير من عدم الوفاء! عا شو جنينا؟ عا شو حبينا؟ وبكينا؟ وكتبنا؟ وغنينا؟ وبكينا؟ وبكينا؟ وشربنا؟ وكرهنا؟! وزعلنا وانقبرنا تعترنا؟ اذا بالاخر هيدا كلو subject to change و مش دايم؟

اذا بالاخر رح نرجع نوصل لنقطة او مطرح انو فينا نرجع لهالانسان يللي كان بدياتنا وقربلنا نهايتنا , ونقول -ومن كل عقلنا كمان- انو لأا! موش قادرة خلاص! اللي بينا انتهى!

اما كسرنا كؤوس الحب من زمن؟ فكيف نبكي كأساً كسرناه؟

وأهم شي... ماذا أقول له؟!!!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Swine & Feline

OK. This is how this goes. I will describe two stereotypical characters, and you can feel free to associate people with them. And I'm sure you will.

Swine:
Will eat up anything his snout falls upon.
Not only will it eat up anything its snout falls on, it fill even relocate to take in and devour even more things- senseful or senseless!
The swine wants it all.
Is constantly surrounded by filth.
Cannot look up- literally.
Reponsible for (well they were blamed for and associated with though did not physically spread out the virus- pharmaceutical companies did that)a disease that is responsible for such destruction and pain. oh and the suffering, let's not forget the suffering.
What else is a swine associated with? Well to tell you the truth, it's only benefit is it's good in your stomach. And while some people have taken great care to breeding it into and growing it to become an expensive comodity at times, let's be reaasonable it will all end up as the same end product! The same end product it was happily swimming in during its life. HA! How Ironic- poor little piggies, didn't see that one coming huh? woke up one day and it's a whole different kind of SHI*!

AND ABOVE ALL. The Swine will end up alone. Dead, alone, food. That's what it will be if mother nature runs its course (The writer wishes to disregard external influences on the fate of a pig at this time.)


and now, the Feline:

Adorable, cuddly, has attitude, gets exactly what it wants, KNOWS what it wants.
Selfish, manipulative, prances around flaunting its adorableness like it was the savior on judgement day.
But keep it long enough and it will go in heat, screaming at you for not giving it what it wants! Then it will destroy the homeliness of your home by performing acrobatics in your living room: up the curtains, through the cords, coughing hairballs left right and center. And hissing at anything that poses a threat to it, like say anything that's taking the attention that's supposed to be its own.
BUT, fear not. The FIRST person that comes and gives it better anything than you were, and its bye bye panama for you.

So, by now you're probably wondering why the- well, "talk", of felines and swines mine dwarlings. Well, to be honest, I've had it with the stereotypes. So I was thinking what if we threw them together and created a monster?
We could call it Feswi! ok back to being serious (seriously!),
they would breed a something that would punishment in its own right. oh a girl can dream.

The thing is, when I first realized this incredibly clear association between the stereotype and so many people that have walked in and on and through and around and out of my life- yes they did a lot of walking what do you want?- it just made me feel that much better. cause maybe there are nobler animals that people can be associated with, right? PLEASE?

Anyway I hope a line goes through one and the other gets chopped up in circles.

(not quite) Over and (almost) Out.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Second Definitions

Maybe the regular words and meanings and terminologies lose sense to us when we experience them first hand. Anything from feelings to circumstances will look different when we get involved.

"I never thought x feeling was this serious!" Insecurities, shocks, heartbreak, happiness, hope, disillusionment- All of it! When someone else goes on and on about it we almost always give the "sympathetic" ear- meaning we hear or register but don't really listen. At best we just nod along or just obey our predisposition of not approving and so interrupt at intervals.

But we don't really realize by listening. We don't experience by audio, or by visual either. That's exactly why they teach us theories and force us to practice. It's like cooking; no matter how many recipes you read about preparing the same dish, if you do not re-enact the scene to try to recreate the taste, you'll never know what a pinch of salt really is!
This is why we should admit once and for all that there does in fact exist such a thing as second definitions. They are those that we reach from hand on experiences when we land in the position of trying desperately to convey a sentiment that feels so clear to us, but is just flying right over our "audience's" heads.
Think about it! How many times do tables turn between you and friends or contacts or whatever and you feel so frustrated about making a point about the obvious when it is clear that the other person is not really "getting it"? Mind you, most often than not it will be something they tried to explain and tell you about and put in words and failed miserably. (Oh the wonderful blessing of friendship :))
When your friends teach and advise you that communication is key- common sense assures it too- it probably means that the only person who will ever GET IT is the person involved. It's probably a subconscious way of saying please go mope somewhere else you're depressing us! (And you probably are, I mean come on people have enough of their own crap to deal with without you bringing in your own. And yes I know for a fact that there are friends who are so loyal they WILL give you the sympathetic ear every time. But eventually they will snap, and switch to the tough love :) TO VENT OUT YOUR FRUSTRATION!)
So get dirty, or in this case dirty mouthed. There's no need to define or second define things, it just defeats the purpose then! But speak it up and just hope that one day eventually the message you ached to get through once a while ago, is hitting home by an act of karma :)

There's hope for ya.